Hounding Questions—Day 2

So…what was up with that post last night? I mean, why are you always complaining about your life? It’s pretty good, isn’t it? Of course, my life is good. I mean, if we didn’t even mention my material possessions, I have a loving family who cares about me and talks to one another without raised voices (most of the time…) and I know who God is and I have a relationship with Him. I’m just….very…ugh, let’s not go into adjectives right now.

Rcubed (one of my fav bloggers right now—and, I promise, that was not some sort of adulation right there) commented on what I said last night. And I totally understand what she was saying. I know I whine about my life too much (no, that isn’t what she said, and that isn’t what I took away from what she said. Lemme just finish here!) and that I do have a good life. I just…don’t know what’s wrong with me. Seriously.

I think my biggest frustration is…okay, I’m just gonna say it. *takes deep, shaky breath* I think God is expecting more from me. Like, to act more mature and teach other people about Him and to act differently from other kids. And, I know what you said, Rcubed: that takes time and maturing. But it’s not like that. I mean I feel something, like Him telling me to act different right now because He’s given me so much, in real life and from His Word. And sometimes it ticks me off. I want to ask God “so why should I have to act different? I’m just 13! Everyone else is telling me to just be a kid!” And everyone else isn’t understanding what I’m saying here. He’s speaking to me. Telling me to be different. Act more mature. Take His Word seriously. Like the way an adult does. Right now.

I’m not making this up, guys. I know you might say “oh, of course she’s making this up, because what kid doesn’t want to be viewed as an adult?” But that’s the thing here. I don’t want all this...expectation and stuff. I really do just want to be a kid. But God wants more from me, right now, I can tell. And I know you might try to tell me I’m misinterpreting this but you haven’t heard or felt what He’s saying to me.

And when I say “viewed as an adult”, I don’t mean people start treating me like I have authority. I still must be treated like a little kid, but I have to take God’s word like an adult. I know, this doesn’t make sense. And I’m not explaining it in the best way, either. But this is it, summed up:

1. I must act maturely in real life.

2. I must act maturely regarding my spiritual life.

3. I must still be treated my age in real life.

You probably, once again, think I’m misinterpreting God. But I’ve been getting this feeling for years now and all I can say is, if you think I’m wrong, then you just don’t understand and that’s okay because you’re not me and you haven’t felt exactly what I’m feeling. So yeah…once again, I just feel pressured to be more, and sometimes it upsets me. This whole, long-winded thing might’ve seemed irrelevant to what I said yesterday (or more like last night) but it’s just another thing that I needed to get off my chest.