HML

So you know how I have no life and because of this I have way too much time on my hands to sit around and think. Now, I'm a pessimist, and pessimists should not be allowed to sit around and think too much, or otherwise they'll find something in their life to be mad about. And being not only a pessimist, but a lifeless pessimist, I'm going to angrily rant about my latest life discovery.

You might not know this about me, but if you were to bump into me at Wal-Mart, and I told you I was thirteen, you would tell me to stop being a liar. Honestly, the oldest you would say I am is about 10. Why?

First of all, I've met five-year-olds with deeper voices than me--five-year-old GIRLS (granted, I am a girl, but just stick with me here). And I have this lisp which cuts another three years from my age. So, if you were to hear me talking but not see my face, you'd guess that I was a two-year-old with an astonishingly developed vocabulary.

Second of all, you could look at my face and bust out laughing at any claims that I'm 13. My face just barely labels me as 10, and I mean just barely. Every time I tell someone that I'll be a freshman in the fall, they laugh and say "Really? I thought you were a lot younger than that!" Yeah, like you thought I was going to sixth grade in the fall.

Third of all, I'm...uhh...(how shall I put this???)...completely flat-chested. Like, there's nothing there. Zero. Zip. Zilch. Nada. Nothing. Flat terrain, open field, abandoned desert. One of my friends asked me "what size are you?" and I'm like "uhh...I don't know...I don't think I have a size..." And I've known ten-year-olds with much bigger chests than mine (no, I'm not exaggerating. Seriously, ask my mom.) so I can't even call myself ten this time. Maybe...seven? Hey, that's being generous.

FOURTH of all, I act like a kid. I never know what's going on in the news and when other teens my age talk about all the cool things they did (i.e. going shopping, going to see a movie, or going out to eat someplace), I'm just like "uh...hey, I went to see Catching Fire last year!" -_-

SO, in summary, I might as well be ten physically, right?

Oh, no, it gets BETTER.

So I started my...erm...monthly when I was 12. And I've had it for a little over a year now. And it's BAD. All kinds of...um...malfunctions and such (hey, I'm trying to use discretion here).

So, let's put all our data together.

1. Outwardly, I might as well be a kid

BUT

2. I'm having inward problems one week out every month.

So you're telling me that my body decides to make me look like a ten-year-old on the outside, but give me fifteen-year-old problems on the inside?!

Oh, how HILARIOUSLY ironic!

All I can say right now is, Someone "up there" must have a twisted sense of humor.

I hope you're laughing, because I'm not.