I'm maturing--call 911!

Have you ever woken up one morning and after a couple of hours of being awake you feel...different? Like...older? Not just taller. Not even just looking older at all. I mean feeling older, inside. I know, I know, I sound like a cheesy movie. But I really feel like I got...older.

It all started on Saturday morning (yeah, I know, I didn't post about it then, but that's because I wasn't sure yet). I woke up and was taking mirror selfies with my mom's phone and I just felt...older. I mean, I did look older--I got extensions on Thursday and they actually helped me look thirteen years old--but I also felt older, on the inside.

 I thought it would be a good feeling. But it wasn't. It was bittersweet. I felt sort of excited that I had this "older" feeling. But at the same time, the "older feeling" itself was strange. Like I had this portion of my life as a kid and now it was...over. I can't go back. I'm older now and there's no reversing it. I always thought you were supposed to feel this way on your birthday but my birthday isn't for another two months. So I think my body (or, more like God) just decided it was time for me to mature mentally and I just...grew up.

I wasn't really certain about the feeling, though, so I sort of let it sweep by me and went on with my day. But I've been staying with my aunts these past few days, and I think that's really when the "older feeling" became more realistic for me. I've had to take care of my little brother (as well as myself) more than usual, and I just feel older doing it. Like my aunts will forget to do something for my brother and I'll have to remember it and do it myself. And it makes me feel older.

I know that doesn't sound like a good basis for my "theory". But if you could feel what I'm feeling, or if you've felt a feeling similar to this, then you'd understand. It's sort of weird and I actually feel sad to have grown up.

I remember summer 2013 being a bittersweet time for me, but not because I had one of these "maturing phases". I think it was actually one of the most immature phases of my life. I made a lot of stupid choices and lost two good friends for a while. I was really sensitive and unrepentant and self-centered. I think my biggest mistake was trying to force myself to grow up and pretending that I was so much more mature than everyone else. I think once I gave up that facade, I finally truly grew up.

I remember whining about getting older when I was a little kid, but now I realize that growing up is less about how many birthdays you've had and more about how many mature decisions you've made.